


When the World Fades to Black

by AndreHelios (AndreUlliel)



Category: D.N. Angel
Genre: Freeform, M/M, Musing, prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 10:10:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16015733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreUlliel/pseuds/AndreHelios
Summary: Confessions regarding an impending end from the point-of-view of an angel.





	When the World Fades to Black

**Disclaimer:**   _I do not own DNAngel nor any of its characters. They all belong to_ _Yukiru Sugisaki._

**A/N:** _I wrote this more or less 12 years ago and it had completely faded from memory until I randomly visited my FF.net profile and saw it again and decided I might as well crosspost it._

* * *

  


The light is dying out well before the day. The sun is solemnly, silently sinking beneath the horizon, an unknown and endless oblivion. Its shadows shine with a fiery colour of vermilion – the colour of burning blood. The remaining rays fade with the sun, casting the world a hue of bloody orange, bathing it with a shade of gloom.

The day is coming to an end soon, with the rotation of the world, with the changing surroundings, with the clockwise movement and ticking of time, working its way to leave the present that has become the past, and wounding its way towards the future. While the train of thoughts and emotions constantly pile up and pile up, never letting a moment of peace and tranquillity surface. Not even giving a chance and space to release a breath already held for so long.

_Too long._

Long enough to convey what is inside of me that I cannot bring out. And still, I cannot find contentment for peace does not alight on me. I wonder why...

Perhaps, I will never be able to put my thoughts to rest. Perhaps, I will never be able to calm down certain emotions.

Perhaps, I will never have a chance again – a chance, which if I just lose hope will fly away, like a trapped butterfly finally reuniting with its freedom, leaving a trail of desperate cries and bringing a trail of triumphant colours along.

If I lost this chance, the one and only that I ever had, I know I would regret it all my life, for forever, for all eternity…

Even though I love you so much that it almost breaks me, that this love tears my heart completely, as it rips open my sanity, and even as my tears fall, crashing to a thousand crystal drops, words still aren't enough. It does not even convey a small part of my feelings. Pure emotion is useless, utterly pointless for it does not get me anywhere. My heart can't even say the words I so long to speak.

For every moment that has passed, my tortured soul is still crying out in vain at a single whisper of your name. The endless days make me tired of waiting and understanding; the long, sleepless nights express my thoughts of you, whispering what love is to my ears too tired to listen, making dull observations and sending soundless echoes to my mind too exhausted to think.

I could not even understand myself anymore.

More of this hatred than love for we are not made to know what this emotion is. We cannot delve deeper into ourselves because we live our lives as a part of others' lives and never belonging to ourselves.

But the farther apart we are, the more the silent truth makes itself known to me. The more I realize that you're the one I love though love may never really exist for us. The more you chase after me, the more my heart feels the painful distance, the sad reality.

Even if we are made for each other but we are never destined to be together, what would become of us?

Why? Does destiny really exist? Now I question the fantasy-filled world of such stupidity.

_If I love you more than anything, these thoughts should reach you, right?_

_Even so, in my dreams, I'm sure I could have definitely told you._

_If only these arms could meet you in an embrace..._

I hope you'd believe and understand me, even if what I have to tell you sounds too crazy to be true.

_'How high would I have to fly to lose sight of you, so far away? If I turn my eyes away, I might feel better, but I want to always be looking at you from somewhere. Because there's no way I could forget you. I want to see you right away, because I love you, even though I want to run away because I'm scared of being hurt. If this unseen barrier around me should tear away my wings, still you are so precious to me that it makes me sad.'_

It's too painful to accept the bitter truth that we might be holding each other but losing each other still. It's too hard to accept that we do not own any authority to feel this way.

The only thing I have is this day, and this chance. As the time draws near, as the beginning draws to an end, I pull closer to that intimate moment soon to come along.

I wish you could hear me, I wish I could reach you... If only I can close the distance between us, if only I can bridge the gap separating the two of us…

How come this sadness and sorrow, this agitation and aggravation is such an immeasurable nothingness? How come a very small piece of happiness and solace cannot be lasting enough to let us feel the love, which in turn will fill my heart?

I don't regret loving you, even if it cannot be. I will remain as anything you want me to, even as a rival or your archenemy. It's funny and amusing to think that given my way, I would rather be...

_Your angel._

Your very own Dark angel.

And now, as I held you gently in my arms... You look so peaceful, calm and beautiful. But I know that deep inside, you're hurt, aching, lonely and broken.

You're eyes opened slowly and there, upon seeing me, you whispered, "Dark, I vow to kill you, I will-"

There is such great anger in your words and a tone of solid detest is in your voice, but your eyes tell otherwise.

"Aren't you tired? How long do you plan to continue on this way?" I asked you, amazed at the firm courage you always put up.

"Forever."

Tears from your eyes came together with that single reply that promises eternal suffering.

I cannot change anything but somehow; I could still live, in the only way possible. And that is to tell you something you need to know. We're nearing an end, and it pains me to think that these are your final moments.

My only one, my beloved angel is dying. I'm losing you. But please hold on, please do. I don't know and I don't want to know how we came to this, but we'll go on from here because this is what is already there. I brush away the tears that come from your eyes, gently whispering to you as I do so.

"I don't want to see you crying, I cannot bear to see you pained. I cannot stand to know you're hurt. I know you won't acknowledge my presence, but I don't want you to be lonely again. I love you so much to let you suffer alone, I love you so much that I can't even live without you."

Please keep in mind that you are my angel. My own White angel. Even if death will continually separate us, at least remember everything that I tell you.

Please remember that I love you. And that...

_I don't want this love to last forever for forever may never exist._

_I don't want this love to last for all eternity for eternity may never come._

_I don't want this love to last a lifetime for a lifetime does not belong to us._

_Still, I want to be certain…_

_I only want this love to last this moment, this time, so that if today is our last breath, then this love will always remain._

And now as I feel your life release you, I could see, it was endlessly clear white. And as the world fades to black, I can finally lay down beside you in peace for I have finally released the pained sigh I have kept for too long.

_Too long._   


* * *

_**FIN.** _   



End file.
